Or at least, that is what we think, when confronting these texts, ideas, people we may not have considered much in the past few months.But the truth is that perspective isn’t often the big bang, a paradigm shift, a tectonic movement of earth under feet, that rattles assumptions and forces a review of priorities.
This year, I’m consulting an accountant, and hope this will make the process easier at some point – if not during the birth pangs of this startup reorganization of my finances, then hopefully by next spring.We are constantly in the process of receiving, whether it is Torah, or meaning, or love.But it takes an open mind, and the willingness to say, “my perception is not set in stone tablets.” I might fear restrictive laws and tremble at the foot of the mountain, but when it comes to the opportunity to accept relationship, I am certain that I will. But this hiatus is important enough for me to violate my own blogging advice (“blog regularly, so your audience knows they can rely on you! I would still really like it if – on and off the blog – we could live up to the motto I had in mind when I founded this non-geographic place: “Group therapy in a blog…welcome home, singles.” But home is supportive, where everyone knows and accepts you for who you are.Sadly, the situation above is not one of romance, but one of tax frustration.The long hours come before and after a long day at one or more jobs, and the exhaustion level is considerable.The practice of it requires exercise – although the prescription is annual, bound to the calendar, repeated exercise even more often would show greater benefits. If the Jewish people received the Torah at Mount Sinai, and the mountain was their wedding canopy, and God declared love for the Jewish people at that grand elevation of nature, and we entered into partnership, then the reigning metaphor of the receipt of the Torah was the declaration of relationship, a declaration of commitment and covenant, the analog of which I currently lack.
But this time on the calendar comes annually, whether I’m single or not, to remind me that relationship is a value, is possible, is important.
This is why we do an annual tax review or pay our bills even if we think the cable bill or the rent is too damn high. We might enjoy doing some of those things, but we don’t make them a priority.
If we happen upon them – if we see someone post a funny video on Facebook, or if we note that someone is on GChat and has changed his or her message, we might check it out, but if we didn’t, we wouldn’t feel a void because we wouldn’t know what we were missing.
Maybe not at their essence; maybe there’s a part of us that exists before we’re aware of existence itself, and this element is immutable, ingrained. But I try to take the opportunity to move in some way, to extrapolate a theme from the biblical or the talmudic meaning of the day and let it inform my life, words and actions.
It’s a difficult exercise, this receiving, this accepting.
Around tax time, it becomes all about the obligation – to count the literal level of our own worth and submit a report to our supervisors so we can make sure we are pulling our own weight in this crazy world.